Living the "ideal life"

To me, living a full life means living a life that you are happy with having. You don’t have to have a lot of money, a fancy car, a big house, a glamorous job, three college degrees, and the perfect little family to achieve that (although, for some people, that is exactly what makes them happy). When I think about living a life that you are happy with, a life that you are proud of, I often think of my dad and the life that he has lived. Through his life experiences he has taught me that it does not necessarily matter how high up you live your life, but how high up you hold your head while living it. The reason that my dad comes across as a perfect example to me is because he has not exactly lived the most “glamorous” life. He has many obstacles and challenges, has fallen to the bottom and turned right around gotten right back up. He lost his dad when he was only 8 years old and his mother was forced to go back to work in order to support four young children. He worked hard in school, but ultimately wound up dropping out in order to work full time and spend time with his friends. He and my mom married young, and before they were even 20 years old they were on the own. My dad continued to work his butt off in order to support him and my mom, and eventually, me. Even though he sometimes regrets that he never finished high school, went to college and got a degree, and then got, what society calls, a “real job”, he is very happy with what he has in life. We’ve never done really had to do without, we’ve always had a roof over our heads, food on our plates, clothes on our backs, and a little extra money on the side to travel and do things we wanted to do. My dad has taught me a lot of things in my short life, but the greatest thing that he has taught me was that as long as you’re happy with the life your living; you’re on the right track

With that being said, I wish to follow the example he has been providing me with since the day I was born. I want to live a life that I will be happy with, one that I will be proud of and will want to one day share with people. The life that I am living now is a little off track from what I think ideal would be for me, but that’s okay, because I have learned, that sometimes you have to get pushed off the tracks in order to realize that you were going in the wrong direction in the first place. I have made a lot of wrong decisions in my life; I’ve also made a lot of right ones. I have hurt people and I have been hurt. I (especially over the past year) have faced a lot of obstacles: some of which I pushed to the side and ignored, some I am still fighting with to this day, and some that I have overcome.

One of the biggest obstacles I have faced was how to get through the death of my grandmother in early March of this year. She had been sick since October of 2007 and she should have been dead a good four months before she left us. One of the reasons that this was hard was not only was she my grandmother, but she was also my best-friend and I loved her more than anything in this world. She never worked a day in her life, so she considered taking care of her 10 grand-children and 10 great-grand-children, her job; and that’s exactly what she did. She baby sat me when I was younger, she came to most, if not all, of my soccer games. She was there every Thanksgiving, every Christmas and Easter; she showed up at every birthday party, sent a card every Halloween, and called on every Valentine’s Day. She never missed a beat. She sat through the long nights of no sleep, listened to every wild dream, cooked many a grilled cheese sandwich, and spent many an hour playing board games with me. I could tell her anything and everything, and I did. She was the one person who never gave up on me, she’s the one who convinced me that it wasn’t crazy to want to be a pilot when everyone else just shook their heads, and when I wanted to be a marine biologist she bought me a bunch of plastic sea animals and told me it was start. Now that she’s no long here I’ve had to go through an Easter without her famous mashed potatoes, a Mother’s Day on which I avoided the card section at all costs, a birthday with no 8am wake-up call, and a family reunion full of good food and amazing company; all without her. I struggle with it a lot more than people think (cause I’ve always been the strong one), and every time something amazing in my life happens I have to stop myself from picking up the phone and calling her.

Even though I’ve had to fight through obstacle, and many others, it has made me a stronger person. I’ve learned that in order to help me be happy I have to do whatever it takes to keep the people who make me happy in my life. I’ve learned to not take things for granted. But most importantly, I have learned to never give up. No matter what it is, I’ve learned to keep my head high and just keep moving on.

Groups "Ideal Me" Posts

After reading my group members posts about their ideal selves I have found that everyone sees their ideal self as someone different than what they are right now. Everyone also seems to have different goals for their ideal self, some that seem reachable, some that don't. I liked that in Andy's post he talked about how the main thing that got in his way was himself. I find that I often have this problem when faced with situations in my own life. In Ebbony's post, I liked the way she broke up her essay into three different parts: her past self, her present self, and her future self. I also liked how in Ashley's post she said that even though she sees herself as a self-reliant person that when she looks deeper she "sees someone that is scared of the future and what it holds for me and my child". I like this because I think that even the most confident person is scared of what the future holds, I know that I am.

The Ideal Me...

What is my ideal self? Well, I honestly do not know how to answer that question. As I said in my ‘introducing me’ post, I find it very hard to write about myself. Not necessarily because I don’t find myself interesting, but mainly because I fear that how I see myself is so far off from how other people see me that they will think that I am two completely different people. After reading Ebbony’s piece about her ideal self I found it a lot easier to think of myself like she did, in three parts: the past me, the present me, and the future me.

The old version of me is a version that existed long before I came to J. Sarg. It was a version that inhabited my body up until my senior year in high school. That version of me was reserved, and quiet. I always lived in fear of what other people thought of me and how they saw me. That version of me tended to hide away from the world. I spent all my time living in a world of fiction. I spent many an hour in front of the TV watching anything from a show about a group of wild ER doctors just trying to make it from day to day without killing anyone to a show that followed the lives of four unique characters who travelled from planet to planet trying to defeat alien races and save Earth. That ‘me’ did not have social connections, I had friends, but they tended to be people with whom I shared a passion for that fiction world with. Back then, I did not like me. I was not a strong person and I had no self confidence. I got pushed around and walked all over. I was always the person for whom you could turn to for help and advice, but who never turned to anyone for help and advice of my own.

The current me has grown substantially since my senior year. I credit this growth mainly to my yearbook teacher my senior year, Molly Buckley, and the amazing group of friends that I formed that year. Ms. Buckley was one of the teachers that everyone wanted to have. She was loud and funny and made going to class seem like not so much of a bear. She did not care what others thought of her, and it showed. She is probably the most confident person that I have ever met. She taught me that it does not matter what others think of you and what they see in you. What matters is what you see in yourself. Her confidence was contagious and I soon found myself being more proud of myself than I ever had been. When our yearbooks were finally done and we all sat back and marveled at the creation we had produced I felt even better. I saw for the first time in my life just how much I was capable of doing, and that I was capable of doing it well.

My friends also helped to teach me that. I went through a transformation of sorts that summer, and walked away from a very rocky relationship with a very good friend. But I did not let it stop me; instead I used it to my advantage. I set out to show him that it was possible to be happy without him, and that I did not need to rely on him anymore. My friends were there for me every step of the way and instead of letting me walk away and not share my feelings with them like the old me would have done, they pushed and shoved and wouldn’t let go. Even people with whom I had never really talked to before became rocks to me and helped me to grow. The current me is still living in that life. The new me has a new found confidence, one that has only grown since I came to Sarg and made the friends that I have made, and kept the friends that I have kept. I am still shy and timid when it comes to some things, but I know for a fact that I hold my head a whole hell of a lot higher than I used too. I have overcome so many obstacles and have grown because of them. I recently lost my grandmother due to a serious of heart-attacks and strokes that spanned the time frame of six months. As hard as it was to lose her, and to watch as my family struggled to keep it together when the rock that held us up was gone, I learned probably the most important lesson of my life: live each day as though it is your last. I have learned to see the beauty in the little things, and when things bother me, I am now more likely to just walk away and give an issue up than to fight about it. I love more than I ever had, and I make sure that the people that I love know it. The current me has learned to never give up, ever. If my grandmother taught me anything over the 6 months that she was fighting for her life it was that you can never give up. She fought until the day she died to stay with us, and was as stubborn as a bull the entire time.

The future me, well I don’t know what exactly I want the future me to be like. I want to be strong and confident. I want to continue to work hard at everything I do and have the passion for the things that I have passion for now. I hope that the future me holds her head high and never lets anyone bring her down. In the future, I hope to have a good job, somewhere that I will be happy and will love what I do. I hope that in the future I get to continue to help people out, something that I have been passionate about for many years. I want my ideal self to love who I am, and to not be ashamed of the things that I have done and the things that I have been through in order to get to where I am. I want to have a family and friends that will love me and be there for me as they have been throughout the past 19 years of my life. In the future I want me to continue to, well, just be me.

Massachusettes "What Is An American?" Posts

After reading the blogs of my group memebers I've come to realize that everyone has a different view of this country and what makes up it's people. I agree with Ebbony when she says that she thinks that our country has fallen off track. As great as I think this place is, and it's people, I think that our not only has our nation's economy and lifestyle faded, but so has our pride. I like what Ashley said about getting to choose the way we live, who we vote for, and what religion we want to be. I think that reading other people's views on what makes an American an American has helped me to think about what makes me feel special being an American.

What I Have Learned So Far...

So far this semester I have learned several different things about America and what truely makes us Americans. When I first read the assignment to write a letter to someone coming to this country for the first time telling them what an American was I was a little skeptical. The main reason for this being, that I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to be able to tell someone else what makes us special, but then I really sat down and thought about it. After I began brainstorming for the assignment I figured out that there are actually lots of things that make Americans unique, and lots of different ways in which to describe our culture to other people. Another thing that I have learned so far is what different people think about our culture and Americans as a people. Many people share the same views about this country and it's people, but not everyone has the same feelings. I've always known that not everyone in America feels as lucky and unique as I do, but now that I've gotten to read different people's opinions and descriptions of "What An American Is" it has made me think about some of the reasons as to why they feel differently.