Courage

I think that the virtue that I need to work on the most is courage. Courage has always meant a lot to me, and has always been a large part of my life. I have faced a lot of hard situations during my short life and so having courage has been almost like second nature to me. Over the past year I seem to have lost the courage that I had as a young child. I lost courage in the fact that things would turn out okay. I lost the courage to stay strong through the hard things I encountered. Even though I am often able to appear strong and courageous on the outside, I seem to have lost all that on the inside.

One of the reasons that finding courage is so important to me is because I am beginning to face a lot of things that I do not believe I will be able to get through based on basic human strength alone. See a really good friend of my dad’s (who is practically like a big brother to me) Ashley is leaving in February for Afghanistan. He’s in the United States Marine Corps Reserve, so we’ve all known for a long time that this was always a possibility. He was recalled twice before, but never made it any farther than Camp Pendleton, California. It has been hard on everyone in both my family, the family of people at the company that both he and my dad work for, and his family. He has two young daughters and I can’t even begin to imagine how this will affect them. We have all been trying to squeeze in as much time with him as possible before he leaves for Quantico on Saturday, but it does not feel like enough. I have always been the strong one in my family, but this is becoming one of those situations where I do not think I can be as strong as everyone expects. I want to find the courage in order to stay strong, both for myself and my family, throughout what is sure to be a life changing experience.

Another reason why I feel that courage is important is because I currently lack the courage to believe that everything is going to be okay. I used to be such a optimist when it came to just about anything, and I was never one to worry about what the future would hold. Even upon graduating from college, when most people are worried sick about where to go from there, I knew where I was headed. I knew that I would be at J. Sarg and I knew that for the next two years of my life I wouldn’t have any worries about what to do. However, now that those two years are slowly drawing to a close I am completely lost as to what to do with myself and my life. I have ideas of where I’d like to be, and who I’d like to have next me, however, I am having a hard time accepting that things will work out for the best.

So that is why I think that finding courage is the most important thing for me to do. I need it in order to stay strong while Ashley is gone; and I need to have the courage to believe that everything will be okay.