Profession of Belief

I believe that there is a higher being up there. I believe that he/she created the universe and everything in it. The religion that I was raised on calls this being God. I believe that God has a plan for the people down here and that nothing that we do will alter this plan. I didn’t grow up in a religious family, though we attended church every Sunday and I was in Sunday school while my parents attended service, and I was a member of the children’s mission, Vacation Bible School and sang in the choir, there were never any real strict guidelines of religions to follow. Both my parents were raised Southern Baptist, and though church was never something they were forced to take part in they all believed in God. I believe that the guidelines for those who believe in God are outlined in the Bible. However, I am not one who believes that you must follow those guidelines to a very strict degree. I think that one should follow the Ten Commandments, but should not be shunned for breaking one. I also believe in religious tolerance and that those out there who have different faiths should be allowed to follow those faiths without persecution. I believe very strongly in being tolerate of other people’s faiths, views, and values.

I also believe that everything happens for a reason, and that God does everything for a reason. Although I have had a hard time believing this in the past, I have come to understand that there is a purpose behind everything that he does and let’s happen. When my grandmother was sick last year, I had a very hard time believing in God and trusting in him that everything would work out for the best. While she struggled to stay alive and my family and I struggled to stay strong I found what little faith I had left in me disappearing. However, my faith was restored after she passed. You are probably wondering how this could possible, I just watched my grandmother, the woman who helped me raise me and was one of my best-friends die, and yet I begin to believe in God again. The reason for this didn’t strike me until the night of her viewing, and it hit me hard.

In order to understand why my faith was restored that night you’ll have to understand a little about my family. My mom’s family had always been close and up until I was about 7 or 8 we were always together for every holiday and birthday. My cousins and I would spend hours together, playing and running around, while the adults would cook and talk. When I was about 8 my family stopped getting together, most of my cousins were grown and no longer felt as though they had a reason to be with us. So my family very slowly fell apart. I would go years without seeing my cousins and one of my aunts. Now with that being said, here’s where I begin to believe again. When my grandmother was in the hospital my family instantly came together again. My cousins and I would go visit her just about every day. I had family come up from Blacksburg, VA and down from Harrisonburg, VA to see her. We would spend hours with her, talking about the good times and what our lives were like now. Well when my grandmother was first admitting to the hospital and we were first told that she didn’t have very long, my grandmother told me, my mom, and my aunts that she didn’t want to die until she got to see her entire family and she knew that we would all be okay without here. She would then be ready to go.
The night before she passed my mom, two of my mom’s sisters, and my uncle Nick sat in her room with her for a good four hours just talking. She was in a lot of pain then, and was not even capable of talking. She fell into a restless slumber about an hour before we left and after she did we all began talking about how we knew this was the end. At that point my aunt Jean said something that has stuck with me ever since then. She said “I know Mama doesn’t want to leave us, but I know that she’s happy. I don’t really believe in God, but I do believe that he has been here with us through this. He brought her family to her, the people she needed and loved the most, and for that I am thankful.” We all nodded in approval and as the tears fell she looked up at the ceiling and as if she was talking to God she said “We’re ready for you to have her.” And as we all held hands she whispered “I know we will be okay.” We stayed a little longer and talked about how we would never let this tear our family apart like it tore apart my father’s family (which was my biggest fear through the whole thing). Instead, we were going to use this as a way of making us stronger and closer, and it worked.

At her viewing there were people from my past that I hadn’t seen in years, all there to remember my grandmother and to lend their condolences and support to my family. About half way through the night I went outside with my cousin DeAnne to get some air. The second we walked out of the door we saw the most beautiful sight. Five of my cousins and their kids, some of who I had not seen in at least 5 years, were walking up the drive. My cousin and I both started crying and I ran inside to find my mom and my aunts. I found my mom talking with my godparents and with tears in my eyes I said “They all came. They’re all here.”. Not understanding what I was talking about she followed me and my aunts into the lobby of the funeral home. All of us started crying as we hugged each other and then as my cousins apologized for not making it on time my mom looked at them said, “She’d just be glad to have you all here”. And I think that was the truth. On the day of her funeral the pews were full, and the funeral precession was 21 cars strong, one of the longest the Pastor had ever seen. As we stood around her grave and cried it finally hit me that God had not been neglecting her and our family, he was not trying to put us through pain. He kept my grandmother alive long enough for her family to see her and be with her. He gave us all a long enough time to make it together.

It is often said that God works in mysterious ways, and I believe that is true. There are many instances in my life in which I hated God for putting me through. Though in the long run, they have all taught me something great. They have brought me and my friends and family closer, and in the end, have renewed my faith in him.

Please Do This

http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1280.html

Courage

I think that the virtue that I need to work on the most is courage. Courage has always meant a lot to me, and has always been a large part of my life. I have faced a lot of hard situations during my short life and so having courage has been almost like second nature to me. Over the past year I seem to have lost the courage that I had as a young child. I lost courage in the fact that things would turn out okay. I lost the courage to stay strong through the hard things I encountered. Even though I am often able to appear strong and courageous on the outside, I seem to have lost all that on the inside.

One of the reasons that finding courage is so important to me is because I am beginning to face a lot of things that I do not believe I will be able to get through based on basic human strength alone. See a really good friend of my dad’s (who is practically like a big brother to me) Ashley is leaving in February for Afghanistan. He’s in the United States Marine Corps Reserve, so we’ve all known for a long time that this was always a possibility. He was recalled twice before, but never made it any farther than Camp Pendleton, California. It has been hard on everyone in both my family, the family of people at the company that both he and my dad work for, and his family. He has two young daughters and I can’t even begin to imagine how this will affect them. We have all been trying to squeeze in as much time with him as possible before he leaves for Quantico on Saturday, but it does not feel like enough. I have always been the strong one in my family, but this is becoming one of those situations where I do not think I can be as strong as everyone expects. I want to find the courage in order to stay strong, both for myself and my family, throughout what is sure to be a life changing experience.

Another reason why I feel that courage is important is because I currently lack the courage to believe that everything is going to be okay. I used to be such a optimist when it came to just about anything, and I was never one to worry about what the future would hold. Even upon graduating from college, when most people are worried sick about where to go from there, I knew where I was headed. I knew that I would be at J. Sarg and I knew that for the next two years of my life I wouldn’t have any worries about what to do. However, now that those two years are slowly drawing to a close I am completely lost as to what to do with myself and my life. I have ideas of where I’d like to be, and who I’d like to have next me, however, I am having a hard time accepting that things will work out for the best.

So that is why I think that finding courage is the most important thing for me to do. I need it in order to stay strong while Ashley is gone; and I need to have the courage to believe that everything will be okay.

Virtues

My 12 Virtues (I hope I did this right...)

1. Courage: To stay strong for both myself and my family through the hard months ahead.
2. Forgiveness: To forgive the people who have harmed me; to not hold grudges.
3. Thankfulness: To be thankful for all the good things and people that I have in my life.
4. Charity: To donate myself and my time to help those less fortunate.
5. Happiness: To try and stay both positive and happy throughout the next few months.
6. Honor: To honor my parents and all that they do; my friends and everything that they do; my brother and other soldiers who risk their lives for us.
7. Patience: To be patient and not rush through everything.
8. Enthusiasm: To stay enthusiastic about the months ahead, and all that might happen during them.
9. Balance: To keep balance between school, work, family, and friends.
10. Respect: To respect myself and the people around me.
11. Honesty: To be honest not only with the people around me, but also with myself.
12. Kindness: To be kind to those around me, even those who I do not know.

An Early Christmas

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/21522646/detail.html

I'm gonna send one. Will you?

Reflections

One of the most important things that I have learned over the past few weeks is that I need to put more effort into posting on this site and getting my assignments done on time. I feel as though the reason I haven't been able to update as much as I'd like is because I find some of the topics for post hard to understand and uninteresting. I have a hard time sitting down and writing about things when I don't think they are interesting or are going to benefit me in the long run. I'm trying to overcome this obstacle, but as you can see, it isn't working very well. I haven't been keeping up with the weekly reflections but I have learned a lot of things from the posts that I have written over the past few weeks. In my "Welcome To America" post I learned to think about this country and what makes us unique in a totally different way. I started to see that the things that we often take for granted are what truely makes us such a great nation. The "Ideal Me" post taught me to look at myself in new ways. It made me think back to the things that are special to me and help to make me, me. In the "Living the Ideal Life" post I also learned some things about myself and I started to really think about what's important to me. My post about feeling something "Sublime" made me look back on one of the greatest years of my life and smile. When I was living thru my senior year I took a lot of things for granted: my friends, my teachers, how easy school was; and looking back on it now I realize how amazing of a year it really was and I often find myself looking back on that year and wishing I could relive every moment of it. Writing about it helped to teach me not to take things for granted as much as I used to. In my "Nature Walk" post I realized how much at ease I truely feel when in the outdoors, surrounded by nature and fresh air.

Nature Walk

Over the past week I have gone on two nature walks. One of which took place at Belle Isle with Savannah and the other one of which took place on the JMU campus with two of my best-friends: Alana and Darryl. On both walks I got to see some very pretty things, all of which were made prettier by the soft colors of fall.

I have always been an “outdoorsy” girl, and when the weather is nice (and a lot of times even when it isn’t) you will find me outside. I’m not sure what it is about the outdoors that makes so happy, but does. Whether I’m running in the cool, early morning of fall, hiking in the George Washington National Forest on a nice spring day, swimming under the hot sun on a summer afternoon, or sitting on the front porch swing under blankets, drinking hot chocolate and laughing with friends, I’m always much happier when outside. I feel a peace that I find it hard to achieve anywhere else. I go outside when I need to think, or when I need a break from the mounds of homework that seem to consume my life these days. I exercise outside, do my homework outside, and often spend time with loved ones out under the warm sun.

I feel most at peace in two specific places: the mountains and near water of any kind. I’m not sure why the mountains have always made me feel at peace, but they have. I love to be in the mountains; regardless of whether or not I’m hiking and camping, just driving around, or visiting a national monument. When near the water I always feel at peace and extremely relaxed. It doesn’t matter if its an ocean, a river or lake, or a simple little creek; it always has the simple ability to make me extremely relaxed.

On my walk at Belle Isle I was by the water, and felt more relaxed than I had in weeks. The James River is one of my favorite places and I think it is so neat to have such a beautiful thing so close to home. When I went on my walk at JMU I was in the mountains. The air was so crisp and fresh, and even though it was freezing I felt more free and at peace than I had in a long time.