I believe that there is a higher being up there. I believe that he/she created the universe and everything in it. The religion that I was raised on calls this being God. I believe that God has a plan for the people down here and that nothing that we do will alter this plan. I didn’t grow up in a religious family, though we attended church every Sunday and I was in Sunday school while my parents attended service, and I was a member of the children’s mission, Vacation Bible School and sang in the choir, there were never any real strict guidelines of religions to follow. Both my parents were raised Southern Baptist, and though church was never something they were forced to take part in they all believed in God. I believe that the guidelines for those who believe in God are outlined in the Bible. However, I am not one who believes that you must follow those guidelines to a very strict degree. I think that one should follow the Ten Commandments, but should not be shunned for breaking one. I also believe in religious tolerance and that those out there who have different faiths should be allowed to follow those faiths without persecution. I believe very strongly in being tolerate of other people’s faiths, views, and values.
I also believe that everything happens for a reason, and that God does everything for a reason. Although I have had a hard time believing this in the past, I have come to understand that there is a purpose behind everything that he does and let’s happen. When my grandmother was sick last year, I had a very hard time believing in God and trusting in him that everything would work out for the best. While she struggled to stay alive and my family and I struggled to stay strong I found what little faith I had left in me disappearing. However, my faith was restored after she passed. You are probably wondering how this could possible, I just watched my grandmother, the woman who helped me raise me and was one of my best-friends die, and yet I begin to believe in God again. The reason for this didn’t strike me until the night of her viewing, and it hit me hard.
In order to understand why my faith was restored that night you’ll have to understand a little about my family. My mom’s family had always been close and up until I was about 7 or 8 we were always together for every holiday and birthday. My cousins and I would spend hours together, playing and running around, while the adults would cook and talk. When I was about 8 my family stopped getting together, most of my cousins were grown and no longer felt as though they had a reason to be with us. So my family very slowly fell apart. I would go years without seeing my cousins and one of my aunts. Now with that being said, here’s where I begin to believe again. When my grandmother was in the hospital my family instantly came together again. My cousins and I would go visit her just about every day. I had family come up from Blacksburg, VA and down from Harrisonburg, VA to see her. We would spend hours with her, talking about the good times and what our lives were like now. Well when my grandmother was first admitting to the hospital and we were first told that she didn’t have very long, my grandmother told me, my mom, and my aunts that she didn’t want to die until she got to see her entire family and she knew that we would all be okay without here. She would then be ready to go.
The night before she passed my mom, two of my mom’s sisters, and my uncle Nick sat in her room with her for a good four hours just talking. She was in a lot of pain then, and was not even capable of talking. She fell into a restless slumber about an hour before we left and after she did we all began talking about how we knew this was the end. At that point my aunt Jean said something that has stuck with me ever since then. She said “I know Mama doesn’t want to leave us, but I know that she’s happy. I don’t really believe in God, but I do believe that he has been here with us through this. He brought her family to her, the people she needed and loved the most, and for that I am thankful.” We all nodded in approval and as the tears fell she looked up at the ceiling and as if she was talking to God she said “We’re ready for you to have her.” And as we all held hands she whispered “I know we will be okay.” We stayed a little longer and talked about how we would never let this tear our family apart like it tore apart my father’s family (which was my biggest fear through the whole thing). Instead, we were going to use this as a way of making us stronger and closer, and it worked.
At her viewing there were people from my past that I hadn’t seen in years, all there to remember my grandmother and to lend their condolences and support to my family. About half way through the night I went outside with my cousin DeAnne to get some air. The second we walked out of the door we saw the most beautiful sight. Five of my cousins and their kids, some of who I had not seen in at least 5 years, were walking up the drive. My cousin and I both started crying and I ran inside to find my mom and my aunts. I found my mom talking with my godparents and with tears in my eyes I said “They all came. They’re all here.”. Not understanding what I was talking about she followed me and my aunts into the lobby of the funeral home. All of us started crying as we hugged each other and then as my cousins apologized for not making it on time my mom looked at them said, “She’d just be glad to have you all here”. And I think that was the truth. On the day of her funeral the pews were full, and the funeral precession was 21 cars strong, one of the longest the Pastor had ever seen. As we stood around her grave and cried it finally hit me that God had not been neglecting her and our family, he was not trying to put us through pain. He kept my grandmother alive long enough for her family to see her and be with her. He gave us all a long enough time to make it together.
It is often said that God works in mysterious ways, and I believe that is true. There are many instances in my life in which I hated God for putting me through. Though in the long run, they have all taught me something great. They have brought me and my friends and family closer, and in the end, have renewed my faith in him.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
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